Since we’ve all been parented one way or another, it’s important to consider different styles in which parenting comes out. Do all the styles have equally effective outcomes? Does it really matter which style someone chooses?

Once we distinguish three common styles, you will be able to answer those questions for yourself.

This is the parent that uses the authoritarian or “strict” approach. “My way or the highway!” This parent uses control and fear based approaches to get the desired outcome. Yelling, barking orders, and demanding obedience makes this parent unapproachable and unrelatable.

Giving In

The parent that gives in uses the permissive approach. “Yes, Yes, and Yes.” This parent does not like to disappoint the child, wants to be friends with the child, and does not want conflict over doing anything the child does not want to do. This parent often is not respected by the child and has an unhealthy relationship with power and control.

Giving Choices

The parent that gives choices is using the authoritative approach. “I am ultimately in charge, but I care about your thoughts and opinions in the matter”. This parent empowers the child to cooperate by giving a sense of power and choosing from at least two options. When the options are within the parent’s parameters for acceptable, it is a win-win situation. Giving choices actually makes children more responsible since they have an opportunity to practice the logical and natural consequences that occur.

It DOES matter which style you choose, and it is never too late to have a better relationship with your child.